New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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