if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
