Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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