you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
