he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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