That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
