oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
