You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
