That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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