Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
