I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
