she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
