you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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