he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
