i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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