i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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