worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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