I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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