I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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