i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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