I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
