The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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