i don't plan on having that self control this summer
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
