I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Two words: blizzard sex
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
