i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
