I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
