Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
