Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
