her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
