I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
