I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
