he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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