Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
