she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
