Already got asked if we're dating
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
