she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
