it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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