One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
