i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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