Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
