Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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