lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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