You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
