guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
