found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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