Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I did not marry a roomba.
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