Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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