you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
