the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
