So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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