You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
