Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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